Silence

I need to be quiet.  This world has become so loud with pride, lies, and self-centeredness that I had to make it stop; it was destroying my soul.  Watching new relationships build from ruins of a betrayal.    Listening to weak apologies that drip with guilt rather than true concession.   Hearing of what was promised to me be delivered to someone else.

I will work on being quiet until:  

• God gives me something of value to say
• My words are edifying to hear and sweet to say
• I can pray away my hurt and anger of all the broken promises
• I make myself realize that the brokenness of those promises was never about me but rather, the person who dared to utter them to me in the first place
• I don't compare myself with others
• I can truly appreciate the few feet of dry land and not focus on the dangerously close flooding
• My own actions match my words
• I can gracefully and consistently stand up and say things like "no, I'm not paying for that" instead of taking home the squished tomatoes 

I was always made to believe that not speaking out and just accepting what is handed, makes us strong.   That ability to silently adapt "even when I don't want to" somehow equalled strength.  Actuallly, I'm finding quite the opposite to be true.  It takes more strength to stand up and openly  recognize that "I can't do this anymore because it hurts me and I'm worth more than that".  

So, in the meantime, I'm here and ready to chat with those who want a personal relationship but  I will not subject myself to the desensitized fluff and filtered media happiness.  I will choose learning about myself and listening to what God truly wants for my life; allowing Him to correct and straighten my path.   I think it's a journey worth taking.