Dear Abby

When I was a young teen, I was obsessed with reading Dear Abby, Dr. Gott and my horoscope in the Desert Dispatch newspaper.  I learned what my day was going to be like, how to handle future in-laws and what to do for gout all in one news page. For someone as nosey as me it was all the best advice wrapped up into one satisfying little bundle.  In fact, if I had to miss a day of reading, I would find the missing paper to see if there was anything I needed to know and if my horoscope came true. 

One day while reading Dear Abby, she posted a poem that, per the article, was written by "Anonymous" and had no title.  She was giving advice to someone who, honestly, I can't quite remember what their problem was, but it was the perfect answer, as usual.  I clipped that poem and carried it around with me for years; all through high school, college and beyond.  It was never not tacked on a bulletin board in my office or on my refrigerator.  The clipping was worn and faded, but loved.  In my single 20's, I typed it up on nice paper and framed it for a few friends who I thought would love the message as well.  I don't know if they still have it, but I know I do.  I bring it out from time to time to remind me of how I felt in those days and really, how the poem still applies.  It's comforting in some ways to know that, even while I still have some of the same fears of when I was 20-something, I am better equipped to handle them and I am able to hold my head up and move froward when things go wrong.

"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t always mean security
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman not the grief of a child 
And you learn to build all your roads on today 
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans 
And futures have a way of falling down in mid flight 
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much 
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure that you are really strong
And you really do have worth with every good bye you learn."
 
In researching the poem, I have seen a few people it has been giving credit to and I've seen a few different versions and languages but the one Dear Abby posted over 20 years ago was perfect for me.