Grace and Curse Words

When I walked outside this morning there was a brisk east wind rustling the leaves.  Ever since I was a child I have loved the days when the wind shifts.  Maybe I've watched Mary Poppins too many times and I'm hoping for something magical to happen or maybe it's that the east wind actually smells different but, either way, it's a momentary change in the usual pattern. 


Disruption of our patterns can be as equally devastating as they are necessary.  Change helps us create a blend that somehow becomes the next normal by showing us a new way of doing things while still reminding us that our old way was not completely terrible.  During these changes is where I feel God's grace in my life.  I may not see it in the moment but, in a few hours or days, I can see what God was trying to tell me. 


My devotional this morning was regarding how we should pray to have moments of peace and thank God in all circumstances, even when things are going wrong.  I know this in my head, but my reaction is a different story (I love Jesus but I cuss a little...irreverent but accurate).  God has to send a lot more grace than peace my way during those moments. 


In the choirs of angels stands my Gigi with her quiet demeanor watching down over her family and smiling.  Usually.  There are the days I pray that she is standing next to Hitler's grandmother and, as Gigi watches her granddaughter's behavior, Grandma Hitler reassures her "eh, that ain't nothing".   Insert Gigi cringe worthy moment #672.  Yesterday morning (5:30am) I was getting my things together to leave for work.  In my haste and frustration, I dropped my frozen breakfast sandwich on the floor.  I quickly bent down to pick it up and I smacked the center of my forehead on the back corner of a sturdy wooden chair.  I stood up, filled with hatred for the chair, hurled my breakfast sandwich into my lunch bag with the speed of a pitch by the Blue Jays' Aaron Sanchez, while hollering "MOTHER F@&*$%*&r", as the bag on my sandwich pops open.  Ooooh.  Pretty.  I hope Gigi was watching one of my other cousins right then. 


I know I need to change the way I react; I'm a 0 to 80 kind of gal.  I need to rely less on God's grace for those moments  and instead seek His peace throughout the day to avoid those disasters altogether.  Changing our behavior requires diligence and we need to remain in constant prayer in order for that to occur. 


As the east wind blew this morning, I see the trees bending and creaking the opposite direction, the sand banking out a new path, and the clean smell of something good swirling about.  I only had a quick moment but it was peaceful.  Thank you, Jesus, for giving me your strength and for opening my heart to recognize reminders that appear in ways that must be felt, not simply seen.